Becca and I have made a decision about radiation. This post is about that and in her words because how can I express the thoughts in her head better than her. I have been her sounding board and have given my opinions on this but let's face it, it's her life and her body. Whatever she decided I would back her 100%. I am thrilled with the decision she made though :)
We got a second opinion from another radiation oncologist on Thursday who had basically the same opinion as the first radiation oncologist we saw: I'm in the grey zone; because of my age would like to overtreat instead of undertreat; I'm one of those cases where they just don't know if radiation is truly necessary after chemo was done first, and I went node positive to node negative (they don't even take pathology results into consideration because at this point they still treat based on initial diagnosis, but I could be part of a clinical trial that is trying to answer this very question. Same thing. About the same numbers.
Here's what it boils down to:
Right now, my chance of getting cancer again ranges between 10%-15% (one of the docs said closer to 20%, but I trust the one who was holding a medical book with actual numbers and graphs)
If I were to have radiation the number would decrease to about 5% or so.
On the other hand, if I had radiation, my chances of getting lymphedema ranges around 20%-30%. (One doc kind of poo-pooed it off, the other was pretty serious about it. "Radiation comes at a cost" is how she put it.) There are also major skin issues that could pop up, my reconstruction would not only be postponed to next summer, but the scar tissue created by the radiation could make the reconstruction more difficult and look less natural. Not to mention chances of developing other cancers, heart and lung issues, etc.
So, do the risks outweigh the benefits? What would you do?
Chris and I have been dwelling on this decision for weeks now. I think we've shed just as may tears over making the "right" choice as we did when I first found out about the carcinoma. Here's what we've decided.
No.
I'm done. No more.
Going from a 15% to a 5% chance just isn't enough for me to risk all of those side effects. If I had a 30% chance and it dropped down to 10%, then yes, by all means. This just isn't enough for me. I want to get on with my life! Chris equated it to blackjack and I can't remember exactly how he put it, but things have been going so well so far, we don't want to take the chance with the odds they are that the one last treatment that was supposed to make me better makes the rest of my life miserable.
I could be a part of the study, sure. It would help women in my situation in the future and I love that, but I want to make my own decision about what I do here. The outcome could be in my favor, but I also have an equal chance of having to go through radiation. Those are odds I don't like.
We don't know if cancer will rear it's ugly head again. I would have that chance whether I had the radiation or not, but in the meantime I know I'm feeling good, I'm happy and healthy. I'm going to be on hormonal therapy for the next 5-10 years to help suppress any possibly dormant cells from waking up, and I'm going to be taking such good care of myself and doing everything possible to try to prevent it - but who knows. And if it does come back, treatments advance in that field so quickly that perhaps they'll know more and have a better way to treat it.
Anyway, that's what we finally decided. Now I just have to grow the balls to call the doctor and say no thanks. I hope you all can understand this decision, but to us, the odds just aren't worth it.
Now, we can all move on, I can start my hormone therapy and schedule the completed reconstruction.
The blackjack reference has to do with the title of this post. She was dealt a 19 after chemo and surgery and unless you are 100% positive you can get a 2 on that next card odds are you're going to bust. We don't want her busting now do we?
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